Congratulations…you’re engaged! Now it’s time to tell your heartwarming proposal story, to show off that fabulous ring, and… oh yeah… to plan your wedding. Along with the highs and lows of wedding planning, you’ve got another challenge ahead: the advice and opinions of everyone you meet. Well, maybe it’s not really everyone. But from the moment you announce your engagement, it seems like family, friends, and the lady at the checkout counter all have to weigh in. Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with traditions, trends, and expectations… and suddenly, your wedding belongs to everyone but you.
Bride, let us remind you: your wedding is about celebrating your love story. It’s not about pleasing the masses.
Both traditions and trends have this in common: they’re invitations, not requirements. It’s your wedding, and you can take or leave whatever you’d like.
But it’s a tradition!
If, on your wedding day, you’re excluding any of the following:
- Wearing white
- A father walking the bride down the aisle
- A large bridal party
- Tossing the bouquet (and the increasingly controversial garter toss!)
- Cutting the cake
- First dances
- Formal receptions
There’s a chance your Aunt Edna may clutch her pearls and proclaim, “But it’s a tradition!”
And, Bride, Aunt Edna is entitled to her opinion. But it’s not her wedding. It’s yours. And though countless couples implement these time-honored traditions, your wedding is just as “real” regardless of what you decide.
Maybe you’ve always dreamed of a wedding dress with a pop of color. Perhaps you envision your bridal party as a few intimate friends, or you don’t picture a bridal party at all. If you’ve got two left feet, a first dance might sound like a nightmare. And if that’s your story, that’s okay.
And, Bride, if you can’t imagine your wedding day without every tradition on that list, then that’s okay, too! If you feel that a stunning white gown, an Olympic-level bouquet toss, and scrumptious slices of cake are the best way to tell your love story, then shout it from the rooftops! If a tradition feels meaningful to you, embrace it. If it doesn’t fit your story, consider this your permission to let it go.
Your style tells your story.
Your wedding is your chance to share your love story with the world…so it’s important to stay true to your unique style. On your wedding day, your style tells your story. Keep it authentic to you and your relationship.
So, Bride, if you’re loving these edgy ideas:
- A wedding dress with colorful appliqués
- Vines and greenery instead of floral centerpieces
- Custom Doc Martens instead of heels
- A dramatic cathedral veil… or no veil at all
- An intimate backyard ceremony
- A short reception with a charcuterie spread
Then do your thing! Take ownership of your wedding day, and be assertive with your choices. Relish this chance to express yourself. The Aunt Ednas of the world may roll their eyes, but the fact of the matter is this: non-traditional choices don’t make your wedding less elegant or less special; instead, they make it uniquely yours.
But, you might ask, what if I want a more traditional feel? After all, we live in an era that questions social norms and praises individuality. What if your problem isn’t the host of family members questioning your unique choices, but instead, it’s the judgments of friends and peers who cringe at convention? What if you dream of dancing the night away in my pristine white dress and speeding away in a car adorned with noisemakers? Then, Bride, that’s your prerogative! If tradition is your style, don’t let anyone dissuade you from following your heart. Whether you’re facing criticism for your creative ideas or your loyalty to tradition, remember this: people will voice their opinions regardless of what you decide, but at the end of the day, your wedding is yours, not theirs.
Opinions or Obligations?
As long as you’re planning a wedding, onlookers will never run out of opinions. You’ll wonder when you’ll stop hearing, “Oh, well we did this,” and “Make sure you don’t forget to [blank].” Much like you can’t keep the world from turning, you can’t stem the flow of requests and suggestions from well-meaning loved ones. Your job, however, isn’t to please everyone…It’s to plan the wedding of your dreams. So, Bride, don’t confuse opinions with obligations.
Most people who offer wedding advice mean well; in fact, they’re excited for you! However, that doesn’t make their suggestions any less overwhelming when you’re already knee-deep in planning. We hear you, Bride, and we’re on your side.
To mitigate the onslaught of advice, ask yourself: “Do I have any obligations in this planning process?” Sit with this question, and consider the following:
- Who is paying for the wedding?
- Do I have cultural and religious practices I wish to honor?
- Am I looking to please one person with my decisions, or am I acting in the interest of everyone involved?
While most of our suggestions favor the couple’s autonomy in the wedding planning process, the hard truth remains: sometimes you do have to compromise. With that, though, comes a caveat: as you navigate the compromises, don’t lose control of your wedding.
It’s important to honor the people and institutions that have shaped you, your partner, and your relationship. Though a wedding is a celebration of your love, it shouldn’t be a selfish affair. Your wedding should be the day you’ve dreamed of, but it’s also a chance to share your love story with your community. And unfortunately, some communities are more difficult to accommodate than others.
Despite these harsh realities, remember: though you may need to make the occasional concession, your guests’ preferences shouldn’t dictate your wedding day. You and your partner are the ones getting married, and you reserve the right to celebrate in a way that’s authentic to you.
Taking suggestions in stride
So, how do you handle comments, questions, and concerns while staying in control of your wedding…and staying sane?!
First, remember what we said earlier. Aunt Edna is entitled to her opinion. But that doesn’t mean you have to share it or implement it.
So, the first order of business: make it through the interaction. Listen with gratitude, thank Aunt Edna for her input, then change the subject.
Remember:
- You don’t have to please everyone.
- You don’t need to justify every decision.
- It’s okay if your wedding looks different than someone else’s.
The best weddings aren’t the ones that check every box. You’ll find that it’s impossible to check every box because each guest comes with a separate list of expectations. No… the best weddings are the ones that feel authentic to the couple. And in ten years, what are the odds that your guests will remember—or care—whether you wore a veil or cut the cake? Bride, the odds are so low.
Say yes to your dress
One of the biggest decisions you’ll make is your wedding dress, and it’s one of the choices that’s most vulnerable to outside opinions.
We’ve all seen the horror stories, the episodes of Say Yes to the Dress where the bride dissolves into tears as her entourage shakes their heads. At The Formal Niche, we empower brides to say “yes” to their dream dress and “no” to pressure.
Picture yourself standing in front of the mirror in your dream wedding gown. Even if you hear:
- “That’s not bridal enough.”
- “You should wear sleeves.”
- “Everyone wears lace.”
- “Your mom likes this one better.”
We’re here to tell you, Bride: wear the dress that makes you feel beautiful. At the end of the day, you’re the one walking down the aisle.
Choose the dress that makes you smile when you look in the mirror. The one that feels like you…not the version of you someone else imagined.
A wedding you’ll remember
Years from now, you probably won’t remember every centerpiece or table number. Odds are you’ll put your decorations in a tub in the attic or sell them on Facebook Marketplace. You won’t remember every dress you tried on. Maybe you’ll save “the one” for a loved one’s special day, consign it, or repurpose it. You won’t remember every little thing that went wrong, or every little detail that you spent hours planning.
Right now, in the midst of it all, you wonder how that’s possible. What will you remember about this day that you’ve poured so much time, energy, and money into?
You’ll remember how you felt.
Did you feel confident? Joyful? Comfortable? Loved? What about beautiful? Empowered? Special? At peace?
Creating those feelings is what makes a successful wedding day, not your list of “dids” and “did nots.”
So what’s our advice for planning a wedding that expresses your unique style? How do you shake off the naysayers and celebrate your love story in the way it deserves?
Make choices that reflect your relationship, your personalities, and your dreams, not the opinions and preferences of others.
So whatever you choose to wear, wear it proudly. Walk down the aisle with confidence. Love your decorations, and have a blast at your reception. Create a wedding that you and your partner will love.
Whether you adore everything timeless and traditional, or all that’s bold and unconventional, or something in between, your day should feel authentic to you, your partner, and your love story.
The most beautiful weddings aren’t copies of someone else’s. They’re celebrations of the people getting married. At the end of the day, you’ve married the love of your life, and that’s what matters most.
Your wedding. Your style. Your love story.
